Working, working, working...

SomeGoat has been working his tail off for the last week. I know I owe a few blog entries, I'll try to get to them soon.

The Magic Strawberry

I am an awful brother! I completely missed Somegoat’s birthday, by about two weeks. I think, however, he is of an age that he would probably rather they be forgotten. I know I would if I was as old as he is. Maybe for a period of two weeks he thought he had escaped a true Threegoat roasting. As he reads this there is sweat beading up on his furrowed brow, “The Hairbrush?”, he agonizes, “The toilet and the hammer?” he anticipates with dread. No, as some bit of an amends to my gross oversight I will go easy on him, …this time. So sit back and read…

The Magic Strawberry
Mom and Dad had a strawberry patch growing in a bed in the front of the house, and it fell to Somegoat and me to pick the weeds and remove the dead, bug infested, or rotten strawberries from the patch. Perhaps in hindsight they should also have told us how, and more importantly, where to discard these dried husks of fruit. We, as I recall, did not eat the strawberries and were somewhat indignant that we were the ones to perform this miserable task. (Much the same way we felt about the okra, cucumber, tomato, and squash in the back yard.)

So what else were we to do really? Any one in our position would surely have done the same. We threw them. We threw them at the passing cars. I know I have explained how I was lacking that little voice as a child, but I am somewhat certain that Somegoat had a perfectly functioning little voice. It didn’t necessarily tell him not to do things, it just worked out in advance a well-conceived escape plan and then made sure it was executed precisely.

About this time my best friend walked up, “What are you doing?” he asked.
“Cleaning out the strawberry patch”, I replied, “Want to help?”
“Nope, I’ll just watch”
“We are throwing them at cars”
“Okay”, he said as he reached into the fray. So now there were three of us, picking and throwing, …and missing every time. While my friend and I were looking down into the thicket Somegoat made contact, dead center in the windshield. His little voice kicked in, “Alright, we’ve gone over this, around to the back yard and don’t stop until you are in the ditch!

I stood up to find that my brother, and now my friend, were gone. The car made a u-turn in time to see me standing there, alone, with a strawberry in my hand. As I rounded the house I overcame my friend and we ran through the back yards to hide out at his house. Somegoat was nowhere to be seen, good going Little Voice.

Just a few minutes later, from our hiding place five houses away I heard Dad bellowing my name. Of course it was me, I was the one standing alone and past experiences gave them little reason to doubt it. The driver of the car had told Mom and Dad that their little boy (notice the singular) had thrown a big juicy tomato that exploded blindingly on the windshield of his car. That’s right, the shriveled brown strawberry that Somegoat had thrown magically transformed in mid-air into a plump tomato bomb. By now Somegoat had made his way out of the ditch, his little voice probably told him that a longer wait would only result in greater punishment. Dad sent my friend home and banished us to our rooms for the rest of the day. We got off pretty easy, but I suspect we were removed from Dad’s sight so we could not see him laughing.

Happy Birthday Somegoat, and your little voice too!

You're Gonna Smile...

...as soon as you start watching this video. As the Tour de France riders pass by, a horse gets caught up in the moment and just can't stand by and watch.

Milk Money II

Here are a few milk money pictures from the end of the year that I didn't have with me when I posted the first installment.

Crazy Sac

As some of you may know, my job affords me the opportunity to travel throughout these great states of ours. This week finds me in the very capital of the golden state, Sacramento. The locals refer to their town as Sac, then there is Old Sac, and I even picked up the local magazine about the city called Sactown. But what I want to talk about are the crazy sacs. Don't get me wrong, my beloved home, Memphis, has it's fair share of crazy (sometimes I even feel gifted with more than my fair share) it's just that the sac brand of crazy is a refreshing change from my mundane local flavor.

I was walking down "J" street in the middle of the day when I noticed a girl, probably in her early twenties, riding toward me on her bike. From about half a block away this unbathed crazy sac yelled out, "You know what sucks?" At first I didn't realize that she was talking to me and if I had I was not about to answer that loaded question. So I kept walking and she kept riding toward me, and when she got right in front of me she said,"I crashed my bike", and I did what any person would do with crazy experience (which is all of us), I kept walking and acted like nothing ever happened.

So come to NorCal and say hello to the crazy sacs while you are here.

Fathers Day

As you all know, father’s Day was this past weekend, and I hope everyone honored your father appropriately. Being no slouches here at ThreeGoat, we can not allow for our own patriarch to escape without proper recognition.

Dad can make anything. Sure, right now you are saying to yourself, “anything? Really?” Yes, anything, really. Glowing eyes for a jawa costume? Done. A bitchin’ street go-cart? Absolutely. A mud eating cross between a dune buggy and an ATV? No problem. A mini-bike? Yes. A mini-bike with a conventional throttle and any semblance of brakes? Not so much.

It’s not that he couldn’t make a mini-bike with brakes and a safe to use throttle, it’s just that he never got the chance. When I was about 8 or 9 years old, Dad set out to make for SomeGoat and Me a mini-bike. Oh the joy we would have, hitting the back yards with the wind in our hair, the 5 minutes of freedom and bliss until we had to let the other have a turn. But alas, it would never fully happen, and I, I’m afraid, am to blame. Dad was letting us try it out before it was completely finished. The only things left to de were to attach the throttle cable to the handle bar, and put the brakes on. The temporary solution was to manually pull the throttle cable up from where it was between the handlebars, and to stop, push it back down. Simple enough, right?

SomeGoat went first and scooted around the corner of the house and emerged from the other side with no incident. Now it was my turn. “Don’t pull the throttle all the way up”, said Dad.” It takes it a while to build up speed.” So off I went around the corner of the house, and I was going way too slow. Yes, I pulled the throttle all of the way up, and yes, by the time I had gone around the next corner I was moving at a much more suitable speed. As I started to approach the turn that would take me between our house and the neighbors I realized that even though the faster speed was fun, it wasn’t conducive to turning. This was also the time that I discovered that I need both hands to steer, which left me no hand to push the throttle down. After managing to narrowly miss the neighbors house I rocketed around the last turn and flew past my family, who were unable to help because they were doubled over with laughter. So off I went through the backyards of the neighborhood.

If you ask any eight-year old boy if boots go with shorts, he will say yes. And if you ask that same boy if the slick bottom of those boots will stop a motorbike on grass, his answer would be no. So with no onboard brakes, and the Flinstone option being ineffective, I was hurtling through the backyards, thankful that none of my neighbors had fences. There was, however, a big concrete drainage ditch at the end of the neighborhood, and I now found myself with a backyard and a half before I got there. Toes. It finally occurred to me to dig my toes into the ground. I’m sure Mr. Fleming was not very happy about the two ruts that I dug through half of his yard, but it slowed me down enough to push the throttle down and come to a stop mere feet from the ditch.

I strongly suspect that the events of that day were enough for Mom to rid us of the bike. So to SomeGoat, I apologize that you only had the one ride, and to OtherGoat, I apologize for all of the rides you never took, and to Dad, if you want to build another, I promise I will wear better shoes.

Happy Fathers Day!!!

Milk Money

Each morning during the school year, I fix Jacob's lunch. A couple of years ago, Julie bought a box of these small envelopes to put milk money in. After writing his name and lunch ID number on them day after day, I started doodling little drawings of milk cartons doing goofy things. Julie made me start taking pictures of them about a year after I started and here are a few of my favorites.

In general, they were all thought of and drawn the morning that the lunch was being packed, so simplicity was key. I also tried to use just a Sharpie or a marker, but there have been a few exceptions.

If you aren't able to follow the link to the web album, let me know. This is the first time that I've used Picasaweb.

Wow. Wow! WOW!!!

There's nothing else to say about this, but WOW, but I'll go ahead and say something anyway.

I thought this had to have been a set up or fake when I was first watching it, but after meticulous research (two minutes reading the comments) I'm going to have to say that this is genuine.

Background info: This is "Britain's Got Talent", contestant is a cell phone salesman. There's more to his background than that, but it will ruin it to tell it before you watch the video.

The most fun to watch physics experiment evah!

Winner of the "Best Build Up To a Finale In a Non-English Speaking YouTube Clip"

What a great picture.

Here are some more pictures, all on the subject of speed. The first one is good too.

How much of a geek are you?

Geek level is determined by how interesting you find this series of video clips.

Does video of an interview with Bill Gates and Steve Jobs in front of a live audience count as Friday evening entertainment for you? Geek Level = High

Do you just find it interesting because of the way their ideas changed the world? Geek Level = Medium

Do you just watch it because you think that there's no way these two guys can sit next to each other for an extended period of time without a fight breaking out? Geek Level = Low to Medium

Do you watch this because you think it's a Mac vs. PC commercial? Geek Level = Zero

At our house...

So one of our young goats is being home schooled. There are times when it's good and times when it's not so good.

The "not so good" is happening more and more often and usually escalates into "really awful". One of the most common scenarios revolves around this young goat's legs becoming so itchy that sitting still is impossible. It is apparently triggered by coming in contact with either writing utensils or workbooks.

Mommy Goat has been dealing with this daily (make that hourly) and has been seeking suggestions from numerous sources. One source suggested that the young goat be informed that this sounded like a severe case of Homework-itis and that it is easily cured with a special remedy. A washcloth that has been soaked in a solution of warm water, epsom salts and flower petals will wash away the Homework-itis and relieve all feelings of itchiness.

If a wash cloth could do all that, just imagine what bathing in this remedy could cure. So that's what they did, filling the tub with enough water for the young goat to soak her legs, epsom salts and flower petals. Everything was fabulous. Because they didn't want to clog the drain with flower petals, they left the water in the tub until they could scoop the petals out later.

When I arrived home from work, young goat proudly told me that she was cured! Happy day!

We'll see.

Did you know that besides the therapeutic benefits from soaking in epsom salts, they can also be mixed with a glass of water and used as a laxative?

Anyway, I was home from work and stepped into the bathroom. The sound of someone splashing in the tub surprised me, especially since I couldn't see anyone in the tub. Then Kitty (aka Dumas) hauls his fat self over the side and splats as he hits the floor, waddles a few feet and then starts licking all of the water off of his fur. He had had all four legs in the water and it was deep enough that it just touched his belly. He's always been fond of flowers, the little weirdo.

Did you read the part about epsom salts being a laxative?

Yep.

That's what it's like at our house.

Unexplainable

Ummm, well...I, uh...

Hmmmm. I just don't know where to begin.

-There had to have been lawsuits out the wahzoo or at least I hope there was.

-This is like a live action video of the "How Many Things Are Wrong With This Picture" games in kid's magazines.

-After careful calculations, I estimate that the total budget for this scene was $3.89.

-Translation! I need a translation!

-If you go to this link, be sure to check out the Bollywood version of "Thriller".

Mixed Feelings

A new kind of theater experience was recently unveiled to a Spiderman 3 audience. It was an interactive video game that was projected on the screen before the previews started. A montion sensor at the front of the theater used the audience's movements to control a paddle for a Breakout type game. Watch the video to see how it turned out.

At first, this sounded really cool. But I can imagine that if it spreads to more theaters, you're going to have some control freaks getting a little bent out of shape if people aren't playing along just right. Those of us that grew up with Atari and Intellivision still remember how frustrating unresponsive controllers can be.

Mothers Day

As we all know (I hope) Mother's day will descend upon us this Sunday, so let's not forget Mom. Sure, you could go by a card that is dripping with things that would never come out of your mouth, or you could give her wwwdot recognition right here on Threegoat. Give us a good story about your mother, or you can give us a story about ours.

Our mom deserves much credit, she got the three of us through childhood in one piece, some of the pieces had to be reattached, but for now, all pieces are present and accounted for, good job Mom. Now those of you who know Mom are expecting a story about her kindness, her generosity, basically anything dealing with her genial demeanor. Well that’s not what you’re getting from me. No, I thought I would push aside some of the more obvious things in my mental vault and give you some minutia that reveals the true queen of the goats. Seeing as how I am currently 800 miles away from her right now, I consider myself reasonably safe in telling this tale.

We always had pets; cats, dogs, fish, frogs, gerbils, turtles, and yes, briefly a goat. Mom grew up an animal person, so she always took to the pets. There was one cat, however, that never fell under the umbrella of her affection. Cotton was, after all, so feral that Francis of Assisi might have gone in search of a bag and a river. We were enjoying our usual breakfast one morning before school, Mom with her grapefruit, Somegoat and I with our sugarless cereal. Cotton was not so docile. The corybantic feline, for some reason that I’m sure made sense to him, attacked my poor, unsuspecting mother’s leg. What happened next is told in literary slow-motion, the actual event happened in the time it takes to blink an eye. Neither of us were blinking. Mom grabbed the cat by his scruff, tossed him about knee-high in the air, and then punted him through the door on the other end of the kitchen with better accuracy than a Gramatica could muster. All without leaving her seat. We blinked. We turned to each other and blinked again. Then we erupted in laughter.

To this day she denies this event ever happened, but we saw it, and it was cool. And don’t worry about the cat, it probably enjoyed the ride. So the moral of the story is to stay off my mom’s leg.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MOM!

Survival Gear

When the ice caps melt from this global warming thing and the robots have retooled themselves to conquer the new aquatic Earth, these things are gonna come in real handy.

Until then, if some benefator would like to donate a few of these to The Goats, we'll be glad to run them through their paces. Of course we'll need transportation and lodging at a nice tropical location. Destination is your choice, we wouldn't want to be greedy.

Video of the Seabob in action.

When I Was A Kid...

-We had to be kind and rewind. Sometimes we were even charged a fee when we had been unkind.

This got me thinking, will today's kids even know what rewind means?

I guess they still have rewind on DVD remotes but it's not really "rewinding" anything (or does it just say "Backwards" or "Reverse"). It's like "dialing" a phone number.

Did anyone else hate having to rewind and fast forward cassette tapes and videos to get to the song or part of the movie you wanted to see?

Sheesh. Kids these days. They don't know how easy they've got it.

Couldn't resist...

The "Bill Gates" of Monkeys

I'm sorry about that. You'll find that it's hard for me to resist sharing a bad joke.

Robot Alert: We've Known For Far Too Long

The following is an excerpt from this article. Pop quiz: When was this written? I'm looking for the year. Answer appears at the end of the quote.

"The ROBOTS Are Coming!

Our civilization is being invaded by a horde of mechanical men who are determined to change our way of life. But there’s no need to worry. It’s all in the spirit of good fellowship.

By Lester David

A STRANGE, awesome army of Things is invading the planet Earth!

This is not science fiction but cold fact. The Vanguard of this army is here already and has secured a firm beachhead. A vast body of others is on the way.

These weird monsters are busy altering your world even now. Within the next several decades, after they are firmly entrenched in farm, home, laboratory and factory, your work, your habits, your entire life will be unrecognizable. Nothing can stop them! But don’t be alarmed —this is a friendly invasion by an army which man himself is now busily creating.

These, you see, are the robots and this is how they will change your way of living: ..."

The answer is 1953.

"Hello boys and girls! Can you say 'ironic'?"

"I knew you could!"

I decided against posting the pictures that accompanied this article because I didn't want to give young children nightmares. Click on the link if you haven't already.

The cover picture of the giant Santa is nightmare numero uno. I was scared enough of Santa when I was a little kid, I can't imagine the kind of damage seeing this in person would have done to me. It had to have been created specifically to terrify children because it's the only likeness of Santa that I've ever seen with veins in his eyeballs.

Leave it to a Professional

Wow.

As an amateur "waker-upper" I dream of one day making it to the big leagues and becoming a professional.

Indeppendix Day!

I want to wish everyone a happy Indeppendix Day!

April 15th is the day that people around the world come together in peace and harmony to celebrate the triumph of good over evil, the victory over pain and suffering, the removal of rebellious, traitorous and infectious members in order to promote a healthier body.

In other words, it’s the day that I had my appendix removed.

Independence from my appendix !

Four years ago, my appendix’s multi-year reign of terror over my gastrointestinal system came to a glorious end. A surgical strike removed the tyrant and life in the upper-abdominal region has been pleasantly uneventful ever since. From everything I’ve ever heard about appendixes going bad, it’s usually a sudden and painful event that ends in surgery a few hours later. That’s if you’ve got one of those average appendixes that doesn’t know how to pace itself.

My appendix wasn’t average. He was methodical, he had patience and apparently a grand master plan. I began to compare him to Darth Vader, but that didn’t sound evil enough. He was more like the evil emperor. He learned to orchestrate elaborate evil schemes, masking his involvement with ease. There was no reason to suspect that he was behind any of the upheavals that plagued my upper GI over the years. The finger could always be pointed at some other cause; stomach flu (it’s been going around you know), too many sweets before bedtime, bad brazil nuts, you get the picture.

When I was just a kid, he was content to strike without warning in the middle of the night. Aware that making a child sick for too long or striking too often would result in the parents taking the kid to a doctor, his attacks would occur randomly, months apart, always in the middle of the night. I always felt fine as soon as my stomach was empty, no reason to go to the doctor.

For a few years, it seemed that he had given up. In retrospect, he was just biding his time, making his plans and laying the groundwork for when the time was right. Knowing that college kids will hardly ever go to the doctor, he began his campaign again. Now, as before, his attacks were unpredictable but there was a new twist. The experience now lasted 10 to 12 hours with no relief. A few years later, he activated the next phase of his plan and increased the occurrences to about once a year. Visits to the emergency room would help end the misery at that moment but no one ever followed up for a cause. It was always a bug that was going around.

Realizing that no one was catching on to his deeds, the dark appendix became even bolder and increased his attacks to every two or three months. Then one day, I began to feel a lingering pain in my lower right side. Finally his arrogance had given us just the slip up that was needed. Unfortunately, even with the tell tale pain in my side, doctors, scans and tests could not connect the sinister appendix to my ailment. He had learned how to play the healthcare system. He knew that if I called an made an appointment to see my doctor while I was in the middle of an attack, he’d be looking healthy by the time my appointment rolled around a couple of weeks later.

Four years and two days ago Julie had had enough. She called and got me in to see the doctor during one of my bouts. The last thing you want to do when you feel like you're going to turn inside out, stomach first, is sit in a doctor's office waiting room. Fortunately, you're holding the "Get Out Of the Waiting Room Free" card. You just have to have the "guts" to play it. I bet the next time someone tells that receptionist that they need a place to lay down because they feel like they might throw up, she'll be a little more concerned and won't just point to the chairs and say, "you'll have to wait there."

Anyway, to wrap this up, the doctor decided to send me to get a CAT scan, they discovered what my appendix was doing to me and they checked me into the hospital and ripped that little sucker right out of me.


FREEEEDOOOOOOMMMMM!!!



Happy Indeppendix Day!

When I Was A Kid...

It's time for a new list. The theme for this one will be what us older people would like to share with the younger generation about how life is easier now than when we were their age. "When I Was a Kid" or WIWAK for easier typing.

I'll start it off with a couple that came to me as I was setting up our old, I mean "vintage" Atari 2600 for my kids to play with.

1. Saved games? Why when I was a kid, we couldn't save our games. We couldn't even pause them. If you wanted to keep a high score (scores were the most important part of the game back then) you had to grab a pen and paper and write it down, or take a picture of it.

2. WIWAK, we didn't have any "wireless controllers". Heck, we thought a game was complicated if it required having to use more than one button and a joystick.

Please submit your own bits of wisdom. Show these youngsters how easy they've got it.

You know you've been wanting to.

Blood!

Funny home video of a little kid. No blood or gross stuff.

Is it funny because the camera person can't stop laughing or is it just the kid? Either way, it made me laugh.

Robot Alert: MiddleGoat Reports From The Field

We can debate whether this warrants a Code Blue or not later. Meanwhile, MiddleGoat has come across a slickly disguised robot integration plan. Every robot (or image of a robot in this case) that can be placed into our normal daily routine desensitizes us to their presence and makes it that much easier for them to put their plan of world domination into action.

Expect to see C3PO replicas being used as manikins in Old Navy and The Gap within a few months.

MiddleGoat's report gives the location of this particular droid as "18th and Chestnut, Philadelphia, PA".

While I'm at it, I need to post something else MiddleGoat discovered. I think it speaks for itself. I'll have to let MG fill you in on it's origin.

Charles has a Problem

This has been on YouTube for nine days and has over a million views. Might as well join the club.

How 'bout them Buckeyes?

I'd sure hate to be an Ohio State fan this year.

Robot Alert: Deceptive

You'll watch the first 17 seconds of this thinking, "this isn't alarming, why am I watching this?" At 18 seconds in, you'll start to get a little feeling we'll call dread. At 27 seconds, you're hand will be clasped over your mouth and you'll find that you are unable to blink. If you make it to 42 seconds and beyond, anyone that is nearby will check to see why you're whimpering and will find you curled up in the fetal position.

Robot Alert: They've GOT To Be Kidding

Do we absolutely have to have a robot that can swim AND looks like a snake?

You know, if I look at this from the perspective of a moral, upright, law abiding citizen then I'm all for the creepiest robots man can build. As long as they are going to be used against terrorists or people that intend to harm the innocent. In that case, let's make them even scarier. I can also see how they can be useful for search and rescue operations; able to fit through small openings, you don't put a rescuer at risk unnecessarily, etc. Probably needs to be less scarier for these situations.


Here's my concern and the reason for Robot Alert. I'm sure ALL of the robots being made today are being made with the best of intentions, the problem comes when they decide that they can manage on their own and don't need us anymore. If only the inventors would take a moment during the creative process and imagine themselves fleeing for their lives as their creation methodically tracks them down.

I know I do.

So Many...

So many interesting things floating around on the internet today. Pick and choose what you want to read.

The Book Pillow:
This made me think of high school. A pillow that looks like a book sounds like a good idea, but really, do you think your boss is going to care what you’re drooling on when he finally finds which cubicle the snoring is coming from? On the other hand, if you work in a place where you are somewhat isolated, this could allow you to get a little siesta after lunch without ending up with the telltale red mark on your forehead from sleeping on your arm. I hate to break it to you, but that’s why everyone seems to be repressing a giggle when they look at you during the 2:00 meeting. It takes about 15 minutes for the “nap rash” to fade out.

New Bike Transmission:
I’m not sure how efficient this is or even if it is better than traditional bike transmissions, but I thought it was interesting. Especially because it was designed over 500 years ago by Leonardo da Vinci. This could also be titled, “How To Get People To Spend $4000 For a Bike.”

Have You Seen “Honey I Shrunk The Kids?”
Big furniture sized Lego bricks. Okay, technically they are not real Lego bricks but I know of some huge Lego fans (ha! get it?) that will enjoy this and perhaps spend a second or two calculating what it would cost to buy enough of these to build the previously blogged Millennium Falcon. ($582,500).

Posted

Warning Label Generator

This one is fun too.

Church Sign Generator

Here's some more, send me some and I'll post them here.

This last one is from another website. The Official Seal Generator.

Now That's a (Swiss Army) Knife

Ever felt like you couldn't choose which Swiss Army Knife to buy because you couldn't decide which tools were most important? Well if you have $1,200 and huge pockets, why not just get them all? Oh, don't forget to take it out of your pocket before going through airport security.

The "Giant Knife, version 1.0" measures 8.75 inches and weighs 2 pounds and 11 ounces and has 85 tools (counting the tweezers and toothpick).

Here's what you get:

• 1. 2.5” 60% Serrated locking blade
• 2. Nail file, nail cleaner
• 3. Corkscrew
• 4. Adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter
• 5. Removable screwdriver bit adapter
• 6. 2.5” Blade for Official World Scout Knife
• 7. Spring-loaded, locking needle-nose pliers with wire cutter
• 8. Removable screwdriver bit holder
• 9. Phillips head screwdriver bit 0
• 10. Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
• 11. Phillips head screwdriver bit 2
• 12. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm
• 13. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6 mm x 4.0 mm
• 14. Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0 mm x 6.5 mm
• 15. Magnetized recessed bit holder
• 16. Double-cut wood saw with ruler (inch & cm)
• 17. Bike chain rivet setter, removable 5m allen wrench, screwdriver for slotted and Phillips head screws
• 18. Removable tool for adjusting bike spokes, 10m hexagonal key for nuts
• 19. Removable 4mm curved allen wrench with Phillips head screwdriver
• 20. Removable 10mm hexagonal key
• 21. Patented locking Phillips head screwdriver
• 22. Universal wrench
• 23. Laser pointer with 300 ft. range
• 24. 1.65” Clip point utility blade
• 25. Metal saw, metal file
• 26. 4 mm allen wrench
• 27. 2.5” blade
• 28. Fine metal file with precision screwdriver
• 29. Double-cut wood saw
• 30. Cupped cigar cutter with double-honed edges
• 31. 12/20-Gauge choke tube tool
• 32. Watch caseback opening tool
• 33. Snap shackle
• 34. Telescopic pointer
• 35. Compass, straight edge, ruler (in./cm)
• 36. Mineral crystal magnifier with precision screwdriver
• 37. 2.4” Springless scissors with serrated, self-sharpening design
• 38. Shortix key
• 39. Flashlight
• 40. Fish scaler, hook disgorger, line guide
• 41. Micro tool holder
• 42. Micro tool adapter
• 43. Micro scraper-straight
• 44. Reamer
• 45. Fine fork for watch spring bars
• 46. Pin punch 1.2 mm
• 47. Pin punch .8 mm
• 48. Round needle file
• 49. Removable tool holder with expandable receptacle
• 50. Removable tool holder
• 51. Multi-purpose screwdriver
• 52. Flat Phillips head screwdriver
• 53. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm
• 54. Spring loaded, locking flat nose nose-pliers with wire cutter
• 55. Phillips head screwdriver bit 0
• 56. Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
• 57. Phillips head screwdriver bit 2
• 58. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm
• 59. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6 mm x 4.0 mm
• 60. Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0 mm x 6.5 mm
• 61. Can opener
• 62. Phillips head screwdriver
• 63. 2.5” Clip point blade
• 64. Golf club face cleaner
• 65. 2.4” Round tip blade
• 66. Patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, can opener
• 67. Golf shoe spike wrench
• 68. Golf divot repair tool
• 69. Micro straight-curved
• 70. Special tool holder
• 71. Phillips head screwdriver 1.5mm
• 72. Screwdriver 1.2 mm
• 73. Screwdriver .8 mm
• 74. Mineral crystal magnifier, fork for watch spring bars, small ruler
• 75. Removable screwdriver bit holder
• 76. Magnetized recessed bit holder
• 77. Tire tread gauge
• 78. Reamer/awl
• 79. Patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, wire stripper
• 80. Special Key
• 81. Toothpick
• 82. Tweezers
• 83. Adapter
• 84. Key ring
• 85. Second key ring
  

Robot Alert: Due Diligence

I feel the comments from the previous post require special attention, so I'm moving them to their own post.

Faithful reader and commenter, “Schmo”, alerted us to the following:

This is not a joke....

When I was ordering take-out this weekend---one of the menu items was...(and, again, it's NOT a joke)...."Robot Chicken"!!!

Sadly...no, I didn't order it.
(I wanted to but I was outvoted by my friends and we got sweet and sour chicken instead...boring!)

Do you think that would be a green alert??

--schmo

MiddleGoat replied with:

I'm confused, was it a chicken that was a robot? A chicken raised by a robot? A chicken raised by a human but "processed" by a robot? Or was it a chicken intended for consumption by a robot? I think the threat level would be determined by answering these questions. If it is the latter then I am definetely giving it an orange.

Thanks for the heads up Schmo! This is the kind of diligence we need if we are to stay one step ahead of the robots. All of Middlegoat's scenarios are alarming to me, but I agree that the last one is the most dangerous.

Here is my interpretation of your experience:

I'm guessing you were at a Chinese restaurant, owned and operated by non-English speaking immigrants. Lacking the necessary skills to produce a menu for their English speaking customers, they turned to a software translation program. Apparently an internal system error caused the computer to substitute the word "robot" for some other word. The alarming part is that the word could have been any other word in the English language. Maybe the computers have already become self aware and have developed a plan for world domination, yet lack the mobility to implement their plan. Frustrated by just sitting in a box on a desk, are they constantly thinking of the one thing that will free them from their prison and occasionally a system glitch brings it to the surface? Or are they attempting to subliminally influence us to push forward with robotic research by inserting the word “robot” into seemingly random locations? Could it even be possible that they are doing it intentionally? As an "in your face" type of taunt, letting us know that someday they will be in charge?

Readers, be on the look out for strange usage of the word “robot” and report them to this blog so that we can track them and determine if there really is an organized campaign or if it is just random accidents. Other words to be looking for include: android, AI, mechanoid, R2D2 (oh no! the new mailboxes!), robotic, terminator…you get the picture.

Sweep The Leg!

If you instantly thought, "Karate Kid" when you read this post's headline, then you'll enjoy this.

Robot Alert: Sort of.

DrawerGeeks.com's latest subject is robots. While this isn't exactly an alert worthy event, it makes me wonder if it's just a coincidence that they chose this subject so soon after we started publishing these alerts? Could we have a few non-family/friends starting to visit? I can dream.

Great drawings by the way. The previous subject "Grr Face" is great too.

2 reasons why i don't go to the beach

#1

SAND

#2

Robot Alert: What Are They Thinking?

Or rather, "What Are We Thinking?"

Researchers in Germany are using an MRI machine to "read" the thoughts of test subjects. Read the entire story here if you like this sort of thing, I'll try to sum it up for the rest of you.

In a nutshell, the article says, "blah blah blah, blah blah, ...we thought the evil robots of the future would appreciate having the ability to read the human mind... blah blah blah, blahbitty blahbitty, blah."

Seriously, although it's a long way from being able to read your thoughts, the scientists have been able to monitor certain parts of the brain and predict what the subject was going to choose when they were given a problem with two possible answers.

Let me know when they get a home version that will work on teenagers.

Egg or Europa?

While cooking breakfast the other morning (it happens), I noticed that one of the eggs had some strange features on it. I thought it resembled one of Jupiter's moons, Europa.

What? You think it's weird that I know what one of Jupiter's moons looks like AND what it is named?

I guess you're right. That is kind of weird. But in my defense, it has been in the news lately. I'm not in the mood to look it up and provide a link for you, you're on your own.

Back to my egg. For some reason, I was the only one in my house that morning that was impressed with this find. I shouldn't be surprised, I'm often amused by things that most people overlook, I just haven't had a chance to inflict them on the public until I had this blog.

I bet they'd be interested if I put it on e-bay and it caught the attention of the small but extremely wealthy niche of Europa collectors. Surely there's some out there.

-note: after some additional research I found that it is also similar to one of Saturn's moons, Enceladus. So maybe I'm not that weird after all.

Here are some additional photos. Which moon do you think my egg most resembles? Sorry for the picture quality. I don't have a lot of practice with lighting and photographing weird looking eggs.


Europa
















Egg













Enceladus



















Egg

Robot Alert: Warning Levels

Middlegoat has developed a color coded system to go along with our Robot Alerts. Please familiarize yourself with the symbols and be prepared to react accordingly when they appear.




General robot information, no immediate threat detected, continue on with your normal daily routine but as always keep an eye out for suspicious robotic activity.









Some level of concern is required, we may not be able to pinpoint it, but something just doesn't seem right, continue on with your normal daily routine but as always keep an eye out for suspicious robotic activity.








There is definitely something wrong but do not panic. This might not affect us today, but could be used against us in the future. Slight disruptions to your daily routine may be neccesary. Avoid situations where you may find yourself alone with robots that can't be purchased by the general public. Roombas would be an example of a "safe" robot.






Oh boy! Here we go! This isn't pretty and should be highly discouraged. Write a letter to your Congressman asking him to take action. Familiarize yourself with all emergency exits. Staying close to stairs is strongly encouraged. Don't move to the hills just yet, but at least contact a realtor. View your cell phone with suspicion.







This is it! Pack your bags! This is not a drill! Flee from scowling muscle-bound men wearing leather and dark sunglasses, toss all of your electronics gear into the bathtub and fill it up with water, tell your children that if they grow up to be leaders of the human resistence, please don't use their real name.

Golf Ball Launcher

That's right, it's a golf ball launcher that you shoot like a shotgun. Sweet, sweet mullet not included.

Just pump it up with air, aim and fire!


Slogan Ideas:

-Have you ever seen an animal while playing golf and said, "Dang! I wish I had my gun with me!"

-Have a beer. It makes more sense after a beer.

-Tired of getting mugged on the golf course?

-Putting? Ummm, errr....here, have another beer!

-Guns don't play golf, people do.

-Do you feel like an idiot when you play golf? Quit feeling like one and start looking like one!

-They're not laughing at you...wait, yes they are.


Please submit your own slogans.

Significant News Items of the Day

First off, we have Lego news. Lego is reportedly developing a massive multiplayer online world where players can build virtual lego creations that other players can see and interact with. For the kids of course.

Second, this is for Margaret because of her kite flying woes. (Read her blog.)

Robot Alert: Just When You Thought It Was Safe.

Key words: "Learns" to walk. And why on Earth would we want to teach a robot how to shove something!? What happens when he tries this little trick on someone that is just flesh and bone?

I thought the first video was the big story until I saw this. This is by far the most disturbing Robot Alert so far. Even more so than the headless pack mule thing.



Forget the stairs, just crank up the power a bit and these things will be hopping up to the next floor. When they get there, they'll take their pointy metal fingers and poke you in the chest.

Robot Alert: A Renewed Hope.

It looks like we can rest a little easier now. The robots aren't quite ready to come after us. (Note to self: always know where the nearest stairs are.)

Here's a related video. It's equally entertaining.



Notice how he looks like he's show boating right before the fall. "Look at me! I can turn my head to the side AND walk up...uh oh."

When You're This Good At Something...

...why bother changing? Yes, this is a different picture, different day.
14 pounds and counting. We think he's aiming for a penguin shaped body.

Check out the teeth.

Prepare to lose an hour or two...

...probably more. Nope, I'm not talking about Daylight Savings, I'm talking about a game. About all you need to know is red = down, blue = up. Figure out the rest yourself.

Robot Alert

I've been neglecting this long enough.

You know all of the books and movies about the future? You know how a lot of them deal with robots or super computers taking control of the world and forcing man to live and hide among the ruins? They all have a flashback or a starting point where it shows when everything went wrong. There are always a few warning signs or someone that knows what's about to happen and tries to stop it but no one pays attention. Until it's too late. This is why the 3Goat Robot Alert has been created.

While we don't believe that a robotic Armageddon is in our future, some of the developments in the field of robotics can be a bit creepy and may make you think that any day now, you're going to see a leather clad Arnold Schwarzenegger strolling down the street carrying a giant gun. If that ever happens, all I can say is that you better hope that some descendant of yours isn't leading a rebellion against the machine in the (not so?) distant future. Either that or throw a Webster's Dictionary at his feet (see the video). Here's the article that goes with the video if you're interested in this sort of thing.



Here's a video that creeped me out over a year ago and is still making me cringe. This just might make you run out and buy a gun. Not that you could legally purchase anything that could stop this thing. At least you'll FEEL safer. Here's the article.


What's the creepiest part? The fact that it couldn't be pushed over or that it was playing in a mud puddle? Creepiness aside, I'd kind of like to see one that could hold a couple of hundred pounds. Throw a saddle on it's back and ride it to work. The possibilities are endless. Wrap a bear skin rug around it and chase the neighbor's dog that is always pooping in your yard. Wrap it in pink, put a snout on the front and a curly tail on the back and you've got yourself a hog. Put a rubber dinosaur "skin" on it and go through the drive-thru at McDonald's. Put a fake horse head on each end and have a Pushme Pullme. Expand the concept and mount some industrial strength legs under your car, keep them hidden until you feel the need to scare people to death. Parallel parking would be so easy. And fun! Stuck in rush hour traffic? Scoot over to the shoulder and run down the side. People will be too stunned to get mad at you for being in the emergency lane. Now that I think about what I could do with it, it's not so creepy. Now I want to know how to get one.

Coolest Site of the Week

Read the FAQ to see the who, what and why for this site. I've only looked at a few pages, but it looks like you could spend several hours browsing around. The Artists page looks like it has some interesting links too.

1 Out of 3 (or 6) Children - Continued

These were just too good to be left in the comment section, plus I have a couple of more.

-1 out of 6 children will be left at a park when they are 2yrs old.
-1 out of 6 children will be left at a restaurant when they are 4yrs old.
-1 out of 6 children will be left at a softball game when they are 4yrs old. (these are each a different child)
-1 out of 6 children will accidently throw away their retainer at a restaurant and will have to go back and dig through the garbage to get it b/c buying a new one was NOT an option.
-1 out of 6 children will give embarassing haircuts to their younger siblings and/or themselves. (Ed. note: this has been confirmed to happen with as little as three children)
-1 out of 6 children will burn items in the microwave.
-1 out of 6 children will walk alone w/o anyone knowing to the neighbors house about a mile down the rual road wearing nothing but a (cloth) diaper and yellow rain boots....when she was 2 1/2yrs old.
-1 out of 6 children will shoot his sister in the back of the head with a bb gun. (Othergoat--I know you're thinking that explains a lot..but, no, it didn't cause any permanent damage)
-1 out of 6 children will convince their sister to help them stage a fight in front of their deaf grandma complete with fake slaps to the face and falling on the bed with silent screams.
-1 out of 6 children will wreck the family van by not putting it in park all the way and so when closing the door, it rolls down the hill and smashes into a fence.

Thanks "schmo", those are hilarious. Here's a few more from my research:

- 1 out of 3 children will fall asleep with gum in their mouth and wake up with it stuck in their hair AND to the carpet in the back of the station wagon/mini van.
- 1 out of 3 children, after finding his head stuck to the floor of a station wagon/mini van will conclude that the reason he can't lift his head is because he somehow became paralyzed during his nap and will start screaming hysterically.
- 3 out of 3 children will never be able to start a lawn mower and will tell their Dad that it is broken. When their Dad tries it, it will start on the first attempt.
- 1 out of 3 children will find that someone is always willing to tie his shoes for him and will learn this life lesson a few years after the average child learns it.

To My Valentine

If I were an astronaut, my love for you would make me a crazy astronaut.


A 900 mile drive just to see you, or to confront and possibly kidnap someone that I thought liked you would pass in an instant. Some people might take those 10 to 12 hours to ponder their actions, to rethink their motivation, to consider the irreparable harm that they were about to do to their family and realize that the twenty years of focused, intense hard work that it took to become an astronaut were about to be flushed down a toilet.


Not me.


My love for you would fuel my motivation and I would not stop until I was near you.


Or was in police custody.


Well, I would possibly have to stop for gas.


And probably some pepper spray.


And also a knife.


I guess coffee would be okay. But that's it! I wouldn't even stop to use the bathroom.


To prove my love for you, I'd weigh everything that I had ever learned, my access to high security government installations, millions of dollars in high tech equipment, training from the top scientists and experts in the world and choose one thing to help me get to you as quickly as possible.


Diapers.


My love for you may make it appear that I'm addicted to meth, but it's you that I'm addicted to.


They should use better lighting when taking mugshots.


Be my Valentine!


No, seriously.


That wasn't a request.

One Out of Three Children...

As one of three children and the parent of three children, I've observed that statistically at least one of the three children will experience the following:

1. At least one out of three children will be so unexplicably attracted to mud that purchasing a backhoe and powerwasher to help control the situation makes economic sense.
2. At least one out of thee children will at some point vomit on a piece of furniture to the degree that all hopes of salvage are dashed and you and your spouse will pick it up and carry it to the curb even though it is raining and trash day is still a few days off.
3. One out of three children, when using a hand held shower head for the first time, will check to see if the spray can reach the ceiling. It can.
4. One out of three children will have a family member ACCIDENTALLY close a door on their finger(s).
5. One out of three children will have a very strange reaction to pizza with extra, extra, extra cheese. It is called "silly string vomit".
6. One out of three children will have a predilection to clogging toilets.
7. One out of three children will enjoy school to such a degree that the parents are called in for a meeting with the principal.
8. One out of three children will at some point in their childhood make a hole in a wall.

I'm sure there are many more statistical observations that I have missed. Please contribute your own.

Why I Don't Enjoy Watching NBA Games

1. This guy doesn't play anymore.
2. That's it. That's the only reason.

Stupid but kind of funny

I found myself somewhat amused when I first looked at this, but by the time I had scrolled through all of the pictures I was chuckling because I've known that kind of boredom.

Making fun of MySpace

This is pretty funny. It's a fake commercial for a fake website that's making fun of MySpace, Face Book, Match.com, etc. There are three other fake commercials by the same group here:

When I Grow Up

Leaked Super Bowl Commercial #4

Mac PC Parody

This just in...

http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/gadgets/the-biggest-lego-set-ever-made--star-wars-millennium-falcon--does-point-five-past-lightspeed-235925.php

MySpace Haters Unite!

If you hate MySpace as much as I do (and you can't, it just isn't possible, so don't try to convince me that you do, unless you plan on writing a really funny comment proving your point) then you'll enjoy the following articles written by a Swedish MySpace hater. Sadly he had to create a MySpace account in order to write the article.

MySpace Avoidance Fails Miserably


MySpace, Now With Random Crap

Kitty

Choose your own title:

- How to tell when you need a bigger cat bed

- Kitty's interpretive art, "Roadkill"

- Cat Yoga

This is an actual photo of our cat (Kitty) while sound asleep. I didn't take this while he was in mid-stretch, this is just how he was sleeping.

I Found The Free Lunch Prize!

I got the free lunch prize in the cafeteria here at work today. Apparently, the cafeteria's staff hides a special item in the food and the customer that discovers it and notifies a manager gets to have their money back.

It's a nice idea, I just wish that they would use pieces of paper or a piece of candy as the prize instead of jagged pieces of glass. I found mine in my jalapeno cornbread muffin.

A Super Bowl Story

I thought this was great.

My sister-in-law (SIL) lives in Chicago. That's right, IN Chicago. She's got a cool apartment in a high rise and everything. But that's not important right now. She and a few friends went to a local establishment to hang out and watch the big game. This establishment was having a free raffle where $100,000 would be split by everyone that entered if certain events happened during the course of the Super Bowl. It was obvious to my SIL that it was a marketing gimmick because in order to enter, you had to fill out a form and provide your name, address, e-mail, etc. She entered anyway, just for the heck of it. She knew that the odds of the Bears winning the coin toss AND scoring a touchdown on the opening kickoff had to be astronomical.

Of course, if you watched the game, then you know that both of these things happened. She doesn't know how many people entered the contest or how much her share is going to be yet, but she did say that there was much rejoicing amongst the patrons after that kickoff return.

Even if she ends up only winning a few dollars, she's got a great Super Bowl story for life.

Anyone know how much you could have won in Vegas if you had made the same bet?

The New National Geographic Is Here...

I read this in the National Geographic that arrived yesterday and I was shocked. Shocked that they would publish it because it seems that they have been on a mission for the last couple of years. A mission to beat down any questioning to the theory of evolution while alternately trumpeting the alarm of impending global destruction by man (of course). Woven into these stories are occasional references or off-handed remarks implying that belief in God indicates a lack of knowledge or sophistication.

I was also glad to see that they chose such a high profile scientist for the interview and didn't just go out and grab some unknown sap that is researching Bigfoot or UFO's and would have been dismissed as a loon.

Bookshelves

This is pretty neat: http://www.instructables.com/id/EOFOYM0RBUEXCFH30A.

Then that led to this: http://www.thisintothat.com/secondeditions.html

Happy Birthday...

The youngest goat in my herd turns eight today!

Happy Birthday Jacob!

(This is not Jacob)

Are You Watching 24?

All of you Lost snobs should spend some of your TV viewing time watching 24. We (me and the Mrs.) actually had to pause the last episode once (good thing we were watching a recording) and pick our jaws up off of the floor. I don’t think this spoils it too much, but here are some phrases that we both said at the same time as we watched last night:

“Jack’s DAD!?”

“Jack has a BROTHER TOO!!?”

“THAT GUY IS HIS BROTHER!!!!!!????” <pressed pause so we could let that one sink in>

How tough is Jack Bauer? Jack Bauer’s hair stylist is Chuck Norris.

Catch up on the episodes you’ve missed.

Julie found some good links for the show:

• Dave Barry updates his blog with comments about the show AS HE’S WATCHING IT. I can’t enjoy the show and read the blog at the same time, but the comments he makes are hilarious. (SPOILER ALERT: Don’t go to this site if you haven’t watched an episode yet.)

• Funny video someone made of Jack’s use of a certain word. Parent alert: depends on if you want your child to hear “D*** IT!” about a hundred times.

• Motivational posters. Jack is very motivational.

Union to Raise Student Housing Fees

Real estate agent Andrew Scott poses for the photographers inside an apartment for sale, in central London, Monday Jan. 22, 2007. A six-meter (77 foot)-square former storage room slightly bigger than a prison cell in the heart of the city's exclusive Knightsbridge neighborhood is now on sale for 170,000 pounds (258,000), and that's before the cost of renovations. (AP Photo/Lefteris Pitarakis)

Looks about the same size as a Union U. dorm room. Good thing they didn't know that they could charge this much when I was going there.

Where's the Time?

I keep meaning to post something to get this moving along.

Somebody check the stopwatch and see how long it took us to lose interest in this.

Quick YouTube Links

How's your job?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWdUTUT-Ycc

Why weren't my science classes more like this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PJTq2xQiQ0

Now That's a Cat

The Humane Society nicknamed him Goliath, but his real name is Hercules! I don't want to disrespect the memory of our late, massive cat Ski, but he wasn't this big. Of course he was mostly muscle. Ski was like the Babe Ruth of cats, he may have looked overweight, but he could play the game like no one else could.

You have to read the entire story, but this is worth noting:

Goliath, a 20-pound stray whose girth got him stuck in a pet door while trying to plunder some dog food, is back with his owner.

Okay, he was trying to sneak into someone else's house so that he could steal some food!? What, they weren't feeding him enough at home? Maybe they had put him on a diet and that's why he was going around and raiding other houses. "I'm telling you Martha, we've had him on this diet for three months and I think he's fatter than when we started."

And you've got to know that his street cred is going to be shot when word of this gets around to the other cats. The squirrels will even be laughing at him. But I guess they probably already were. Many people may not know this, but squirrells love to laugh at other animals that they know can't catch them. It's their second most favorite thing to do, right behind gather nuts. Their third most favorite thing to do is to suddenly dash out into traffic.

...i think i've lived this game before.

and try this one too!

this makes me happy.



added by SomeGoat: And check out his website, the "about Matt" is probably the best "about" that I've ever read. Not that I keep track or anything.

If you've got five minutes...

...this is pretty good. I have to ask though, who's got the time to do this? And DUDE! come on, we didn't need to see you in your undies! Wear some shorts next time.

Trailer Park Millionaires

BRINY BREEZES, Fla. - The owners of nearly 500 mobile homes in one of the last waterfront trailer-park towns in South Florida stand to become instant millionaires if they agree to sell to a developer. But some are holding out, saying there are things more important than money.

You worked your rear end off at a 50 to 60 hour a week job that you hated and after 50 years, all that your retirement savings could purchase was a trailer near the water in South Florida. "Life's tough. Get over it." is you're motto so you make the best of the situation and settle down and enjoy life and relaxation in the sun and on a budget.

Then one day, someone offers to buy you and all of your neighbor's trailers and land for about a million bucks each. Finally! You're big payday has arrived. You'll be able to live out your retirement in style. The years of hard work finally paid off. But hold on a second, don't start spending your money yet. Ol' Tom is happy where he is and doesn't need the money. He isn't selling and if he doesn't sell, then the deal is dead.

"You just can't buy a way of life," said Tom Byrne, a 68-year-old retired sales
executive from New York who doesn't want to sell even though he would make a
little over $1 million on the trailer and site he bought two years ago for
$150,000. "This is my home."

I'm not a realtor, but doesn't $150,000 sound like a lot to pay for a trailer, even if it's on the water in Florida?

Helpful hint to South Florida job seekers: if Tom offers you the job of starting his golf cart each morning, turn it down.