These were just too good to be left in the comment section, plus I have a couple of more.
-1 out of 6 children will be left at a park when they are 2yrs old.
-1 out of 6 children will be left at a restaurant when they are 4yrs old.
-1 out of 6 children will be left at a softball game when they are 4yrs old. (these are each a different child)
-1 out of 6 children will accidently throw away their retainer at a restaurant and will have to go back and dig through the garbage to get it b/c buying a new one was NOT an option.
-1 out of 6 children will give embarassing haircuts to their younger siblings and/or themselves. (Ed. note: this has been confirmed to happen with as little as three children)
-1 out of 6 children will burn items in the microwave.
-1 out of 6 children will walk alone w/o anyone knowing to the neighbors house about a mile down the rual road wearing nothing but a (cloth) diaper and yellow rain boots....when she was 2 1/2yrs old.
-1 out of 6 children will shoot his sister in the back of the head with a bb gun. (Othergoat--I know you're thinking that explains a lot..but, no, it didn't cause any permanent damage)
-1 out of 6 children will convince their sister to help them stage a fight in front of their deaf grandma complete with fake slaps to the face and falling on the bed with silent screams.
-1 out of 6 children will wreck the family van by not putting it in park all the way and so when closing the door, it rolls down the hill and smashes into a fence.
Thanks "schmo", those are hilarious. Here's a few more from my research:
- 1 out of 3 children will fall asleep with gum in their mouth and wake up with it stuck in their hair AND to the carpet in the back of the station wagon/mini van.
- 1 out of 3 children, after finding his head stuck to the floor of a station wagon/mini van will conclude that the reason he can't lift his head is because he somehow became paralyzed during his nap and will start screaming hysterically.
- 3 out of 3 children will never be able to start a lawn mower and will tell their Dad that it is broken. When their Dad tries it, it will start on the first attempt.
- 1 out of 3 children will find that someone is always willing to tie his shoes for him and will learn this life lesson a few years after the average child learns it.
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7 comments:
I should note that when I said 1 out of 6 children will burn items in the microwave, just to be clear....I meant, non-food items.
--schmo
My middle sister was dating her now husband....he brought his laundry to our house. My mom was being nice and put his laundry in with ours. His white briefs had nasty brown all over it. She yelled for him to come in the laundry room. not to embarrass but to make sure whatever illness he had, he was not going to spread to the family. He laughed and explained he washed his laundry at the laundry mat but then tried to dry his laundry in the microwave and burned his undies!
Nope, nothing embarrassing about having your girlfriend's mother call you out for nasty brown stains on your underwear.
Need to remember that one for later. It could come in handy in a few years.
So at what point do guys think it's time to throw out the undies?? I mean, if burning them isn't enough...I shudder to think what it DOES take!!
--schmo
seinfeld had a good bit on underwear. he said something to the effect of men wearing them until there are a few threads left just hanging around. then one day, he'll walk out onto a balcony and the wind will just blow them away.
You throw them out when they are no longer comfortable, but only if you have a suitable number of backups available. You need to keep some spares just in case the regular rotation doesn't make it through the wash.
Or if you have a wife that loves to throw things away. then you learn to buy new undies as back ups so you do not have to go commando....yes poor Jeff!
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