1. If your older brother really wants you to do something, DON'T.
2. If an older cousin really wants you to do something, DON'T.
3. The running momentum of an average 14 year old IS sufficient
enough to "pinch" off manual extremities.
4. A "pinched" off thumb quickly becomes cold and clammy. (and
apparently unappealing to a dog.)
5. Never stand under the shower head when turning the shower on.
6. A human CAN do an excellent impersonation of a can of silly
string, just add cheese.
7. It takes roughly the same amount of stitches to re-attach a thumb
as it does to close up a chin or repair an index finger.
8. A hairbrush makes an exceptional wall dart.
9. Ex-lax looks like a candy bar. (It is helpful to learn lessons 1
and 2 before 9.)
10. A pencil is a good utensil for pushing a cold, clammy thumb into
a sandwich bag.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Lessons I have learned in life, pt. 1
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2 comments:
So who do I have to bribe to hear the details on #9?!?
Somegoat? Othergoat? Anygoat?
I have younger sisters and this information might be useful...
--schmo
Dear Schmo,
I feel that it is important to point out that he says it "looks" like a candy bar and nothing was said about taste. That is because he had learned lessons 1 and 2. At the time, he may not have known why he shouldn't eat the "candy bar" he just trusted his instincts (or should I say, his gut feelings).
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